I'm actually aware that I pretty much fail at life. I flunked high school. I couldn't keep up in college. I can't find a job to work around my migraines. So all in all, I'm perfectly aware of my high level of suckage. And while this normally isn't enough to make me uberdepressed, there are days when I get these facts smashed into my face like a bunch of razor edged confetti. This is one of those days.
It's on days like this that I wish my mom was here. That I had that person to tell me it'll be alright, that it'll get better. I wish I could get just one more of her hugs, and have her show me the camouflaged silver lining. Don't get me wrong, I know I miss her for purely selfish reasons. It's about what I want, and what I miss. And even though I know this, I can't help but wonder, what am I supposed to do now? I mean, I'm still living, and every time I see that person [if he reads this he'll know it's about him, which would suck but oh well] poised to rip us to shreds, it just boots me back to this funk I'm in. He doesn't even hesitate. He just verbally grinds us up till we hit the floor in a mound of ground chuck.
Yes, I'm completely clear on the fact that it sounds like I'm whining, no matter how truthful it is. But feeling like this makes me slightly maudlin, so bear with me. I love her. I miss her. And wow, could I for once be able to talk to him without crying?
No comments:
Post a Comment