Well, Andy and Yaoyi are married, and I now have a sister-in-law. :] Happy happy joy joy. Her awkwardness shall mesh perfectly with ours.

On another note, it was pointed out to me that I'm a mean person by a person whose opinion I value--though they may not know it--and respect.  Though at the time I was unable to make a truthful and coherent reply, I list the following points for yours and her consideration as she cannot interrupt me if I'm not speaking.

1] It's simply my nature.  Yes Miss Hoity Toity, you can point out that it is possible for a person to change their nature, but to be frank, I have neither the inclination, nor motivation to go about changing.  Especially since you seem to be the only one I'm mean to.

2]Perhaps you simply tire of being the butt of nearly every joke of our childhood.  While the rest of us do in fact have our share of goof-ups [i.e. Nautisha vs Nautica] it was simply easier to harrass you when you made the same mistakes we did years ago.  Probably to make us feel better about ourselves, but in my case simply because you were a handy and easy mark.

3]This last reason is probably the most accurate, and also the hardest to tell.  See, I'm mean because I'm angry.  Sounds simple enough, right?  Well, it's not.  I don't even get the correlation half the time, but I'll try and explain so you understand.  At heart, I'm a very angry person.  I have legitimate reasons to be angry with my circumstances, regardless of how much worse it could be.  That being said, I can't take out my anger on people I'd like to [i.e. God and Mom] so you bear more than your own share of the attack.  When I'm angry, and I mean really furious, I'm both emotional and cutting.  I transform like the Hulk into something we both do not like.  And while I agree with you on the fact that this bears closer scrutiny and evaluation, I simply don't have the psychological health to attempt such a feat on my own, especially when you make it so much harder to deal with on regular day.  In short, you take the very little good time that I have and turn it into a suckfest of gargantuan proportions.  Understand, I'm in no way trying to blame you for the way I am, that is obviously not your fault.  I would ask, however that you take into consideration my flaws--as I do yours--and try to adjust yourself accordingly.  If not, I'm afraid we're at an impasse, dear, and I must warn you:  it gets worse over time.

                                               Sincerely,  The Hulk's Better Half.

Just in the Neighborhood.

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like I don't post enough on here.  I could lie and say it's cause I can't think of anything to say, but we'd all know that was a lie.  It's almost as if while the idea of a blog was all shiny and new, I couldn't wait to jump on here and share my thoughts with the world.  Now I think of writing a blog, and my brain just goes 'Ehhhhhhhh'.  Maybe I should pick something specific to focus on.  Like the story I'm trying to write.  Or my search for a job I'm qualified for.  Or my constant battle with irresponsibility.  All good ideas, no? 
Then again.  Maybe I should just blather on like I am right now, because honestly, it's way more fun to write in a stream of consciousness sort of way. No lie.  Ah well, I think I'll stick with the flawed system because it's at least vaguely familiar.  :]

One of those days.

I'm actually aware that I pretty much fail at life.  I flunked high school.  I couldn't keep up in college.  I can't find a job to work around my migraines.  So all in all, I'm perfectly aware of my high level of suckage.  And while this normally isn't enough to make me uberdepressed, there are days when I get these facts smashed into my face like a bunch of razor edged confetti.  This is one of those days.

It's on days like this that I wish my mom was here.  That I had that person to tell me it'll be alright, that it'll get better.  I wish I could get just one more of her hugs, and have her show me the camouflaged silver lining.  Don't get me wrong, I know I miss her for purely selfish reasons.  It's about what I want, and what I miss.  And even though I know this, I can't help but wonder, what am I supposed to do now?  I mean, I'm still living, and every time I see that person [if he reads this he'll know it's about him, which would suck but oh well] poised to rip us to shreds, it just boots me back to this funk I'm in.  He doesn't even hesitate.  He just verbally grinds us up till we hit the floor in a mound of ground chuck.

Yes, I'm completely clear on the fact that it sounds like I'm whining, no matter how truthful it is.  But feeling like this makes me slightly maudlin, so bear with me.  I love her. I miss her.  And wow, could I for once be able to talk to him without crying? 

Hello, again.

It's been a few days since my last post.  A rough couple of days.  I avoided coming back on here both because this screen hurts my brain, and also because I wasn't in the most pleasant of moods.  See, I realized that I'm genuinely not nice, and it was a little tough to swallow.  While I'm tolerant in most things, there are times where it just wears and wears until I snap.  And in such cases, the majority of my friends know to leave me alone, because I can say some pretty cruel things.  While they're usually true, I tend to blurt out the things that I'd never in a million years actually want them to know.  So as my welcome back to myself present, I'm posting another bit of writing I did that I actually like.  Don't worry, this one's short.

This is the soundtrack of my life,
The one song I cannot seem to write.
Though words they slip from pen to page,
They're never what I mean to say.
Twisting, flowing in my mind,
The thing I cannot seem to find.
A simple, strange, sweet melody,
To lure the words right back to me.

Also, I'm on about page forty of The Fellowship of the Ring.  I think I'll be bored until Frodo actually leaves on his quest.  However, I will say that I'm enjoying the differences between the book and the movie.  Such as the gifts Bilbo leaves for his friends and relations when he departs.  Especially the set of silver spoons he left the Sackville-Baggins' in honor of the wife's propensity to steal the spoons when she visits.  I thought that was a nice touch.  Way to be, J.R.R. [In all honesty, I have no clue what those letters actually stand for.  I think I'll have to Google it.]

N.E.R.D. A Never Ever Recovering Dysfunctionalist.

  First off, I love Arizona tea.  Preferably green tea with ginseng and honey, but the kind with Georgia peaches is pretty good too.  That being said, I hit the local Walgreens for my ahem weekly fix, and just cracked up in the middle of the store.  See, there's this guy (and no, there really wasn't another way to start that sentence, no matter how cliche it sounds) and he works the register.  In the past, I've gotten away with a light amount of flirting--yes, I am actually capable of that sort of thing--as he checks me out.  This time however, I walked in and he was wandering around the store whistling.  This in and of itself isn't a huge deal,  I mean, people whistle right?  But then I realized what he was whistling.  The Legend of Zelda theme song.  One, holy nerd alert.  And two, I have realized and had pointed out to me that I'm like, twice the nerd he is for recognizing the song and where it came from, as well as playing the game in general. :]  Maybe it's a sign.  He could father my children and they'd all grow up knowing the joys of gamership.  Then again, it might mean the opposite: stay as far from him as possible because your kids will end up as total weirdos.  I'd vote for the first, if he didn't have a jew-fro.  That just settles it.

    As you guys know, I get migraines.  They fluctuate as to the amount and severity, but they're always there, and have been for a little over three years now.  It was brought to my attention the other day that I'm a party pooper.  And yes, that exact phrase was used.   First off, I'd like to take the opportunity to say that while I'm definitely not the most mature person on the planet....Seriously, party pooper?  We left the fifth grade a while ago, it's time to let it go.  Secondly,  and in my defense, how am I to not be said party pooper?  I mean, I'm both lactose and gluten free (for the most part) and that makes hanging out difficult.  I abhor mornings and avoid them with a fervor that might be called religious, which sucks when all my friends have to work at night.  And I rarely sleep normal hours, not because I choose to, but because I'm both a predisposed night owl, and waking up in the early morning just sucks eggs.  It usually means a migraine.  On top of all these things there's the fact that I just like being by myself.  I don't need a drugee's amount of social interaction to survive.  Roll all this together, and I guess you get a party pooper.  I just kind of wish that these were things I could change, but I know I can't.  And I'm waiting for everyone else to accept that.

     Last but not least, I will address the issue of TCG's.  That is, Trading Card Games. Aka, Pokemon, Digimon, Yu-Gi-Oh, etc.  I get mocked relentlessly for having played these when I was younger, and even revisiting them nowadays.  What I can't understand, is why it matters?  I mean, take a look at Pokemon.  Even ingoring the ridiculous longevity of the games, since when have games of strategy gone out of style?  Sure, it sounds stupid, collecting monsters and battling your way across a parallel world-like continent, but it takes an amount of smarts that most people don't realize.  You have to have the patience to train for hours on end, the memory to recall names, evolutionary levels and locations, and the brainpower to plan a team, then fight adaptively.  All in all, it's pretty hardcore.  So why do people scoff at a game where you learn to do all these things?  Yes, I agree, the names are so dumb it's not even funny.  I mean Ekans?  That took so little imagination, a five year old could figure out it was snake backwards.  But the thing is, at what point did we grow out of it?   At what point did we sit down and think, why the heck did I like that game?  I'd like to say never, that once played it's always loved.  And while that may be true for some people, there are a heck of a lot who've lost they're touch with these games.  Finally, I'd like to add, that all those people who always have and always will dislike such games are usually the kids whose parents were too cheap or too strict to let them come into their household.  So those poor kids grew up playing games like Cops and Robbers, discovering that mocking the kids who played video games was easier than admitting they hated to be left out.  But that's just me.

Reading Challenge.

Sounds weird, huh?  I read so much that the thrill is gone.  It feels like my mind is just zoning out the words. SO.  I'm preparing a list of books to read, starting with the Lord of the Rings [cause I've never actually read the books] then moving on to the works of C.S. Lewis.  I'm hoping this will jump start my book metabolism, getting my hunger for knowledge going again.  If you guys have any suggestions, I'm very open to trying some new genres. :] As of now, I'm a little narrow in my focus, so let me know!  I just finished Pride and Prejudice for the umpteenth time, and even for me that's a little much.

Also, we lost our dog today.  For a little while at least.  Rachel was freaking out because we couldn't hear him, even with all the treat-shaking and whistling.  Then my grandpa realized that with his freaking long chain, he was probably caught up in the woods somewhere.  Alas, even with this realization, it was another twenty minutes before that actually spurred any action.  When it finally did, we all slapped on pants and prepared to enter the woods.  Grandpa took approximately three steps, and there was Baxter, wound completely around a tree. Haha.  So now I'm wondering what the pro's and con's of having a non-barking dog, and should we teach him otherwise?  If we don't, we end up losing him five feet from the edge of the woods because he's not making a sound.  If we do, there's the off chance that he'll never stop, and Dad'll have to shoot him with the BB gun. -Cough- Yes, that was a joke.  Sarcasm just doesn't transfer well into print. ;]

I know. I know.

I fully realize that I JUST posted. However, since that post was sadly lacking in content, I've decided to add another one. With something completely awesome included.

I wrote this when I was having an extremely suckish day, and usually on extremely suckish days, what I write ends up being total crap. This actually came out halfway decent, so you will be allowed to read it. Neat, huh? It's called 'I'm Lost.'

I’m lost
Stumbling in the dark
I’m lost
Fumbling for a start
Losing every foothold now
The fall permits a single sound
A scream to ask, I beg and plead
That you will catch and pull me free
Oh, I’m lost
A specter fading out
I’m lost
Feet sinking in the ground
Coerced to sleep within this bog
I fought and fought, but still it won
This lying, faithless, timeless grave
Mutes my voice, as I call your name.
I’m lost
The rescue never comes
I’m lost
A life forever gone
Far from peace, I wander slow
The living dead are now my home
A silence holds us captive all
Stretching out the hours long
I’m lost
Blind, deaf, and dumb
I’m lost
Paralyzed, I’m numb
I’m lost
My thoughts begin to fade
I’m lost
Trapped between the shades of grey.

What do you think?